I mean, come ON. If our president's name is Mitt Romney, we've got some serious problems.
He also represents the second presidential candidate in recent history who bares a striking resemblance to Herman Munster.
But things were nonetheless steamy as the four Republican hopefuls sat down with Anderson Cooper for a rousing debate. The nation watched as all four candidates proved one resounding fact: they are all terrifying. Each one is worse than the next, to the point that I became so confident in an eventual democratic win that I switched over to the Syracuse vs. Depaul game, which was a real nail-biter. I caught about 20 minutes of the Republican debate, and it was like watching a John Carpenter flick.
McCain and Romney went at each other over how they WON'T be pulling troops out of Iraq, while Ron Paul showed his true colors - gray. I am astounded that this man has the raw audacity to run for president. At one point, he rattled off a nonplus speech that was intended to prove how the government should stay OUT of the economy, that the citizens should "be free". However, most citizens don't even know what an interest rate is! Somehow I doubt he's going to get the nod this year.
Huckabee took his turn to comment on how being a governor prepares you for being president, but made no statement on stealing Richard Nixon's trademark "satanic eyebrows". For the record, I agree with the "Huckster" - the best presidents do seem to come from governors, ignoring Bush and Reagan.
I can't recall who said some of these things, but all the candidates were generally agreed on a few key points:
1) We must keep the troops in Iraq...forever. God bless America!
2) Abortion is a bad idea. There should a constitutional amendment banning abortion.
3) We need to design a huge sack, made from the heartland's finest cotton. It should be roughly the size of Chicago. We need to put all the gay people in America in the sack, and shove it into the Pacific.
4) Ronald Reagan was the greatest man in history.
The crowd was eerily silent through almost the entire proceeding. I'm not sure if it was because the event was held at the Ronald Reagan library in L.A., or if they were falling asleep watching John McCain pass slowly into the black shadow of death, but there was literally no cheering and very little clapping as the candidates droned on.
I choose to take this as a good sign that most Republicans have heard the bell toll, and aren't too enthusiastic about their chances. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger, never more than a few inches from Reagan's widower, looked glum.
And when you can't get Arnie going, you've really got problems.
Showing posts with label John. Show all posts
Showing posts with label John. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
"Tonight's debate brought to you by the Congressional Black Caucus..."
As the candidates mentioned so many times, the debate was held, coincidentally, on MLK day and was coincidentally sponsored by the Congressional Black Caucus (who, coincidentally, have never sponsored a debate before), on the first Monday night, coincidentally, when there was no professional football to contend with.
Hello ratings!
But while the network was cashing in on the subversive racial context of the upcoming election, the candidates did an excellent job of showcasing their most non-Martin-Luther-King-y behavior by trying, as hard as they could, to prove that the other guy was a bigger liar than they were. There were rants, raves, shouting matches - at one point I half-expected Hillary to pick up her podium and start swinging, as Barack used poor John Edwards as a human shield against the dragon's fury.
What better way to honor the great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. than to quibble back and forth for over an hour about the congressional voting history of each candidate? Meanwhile, the average voter is at home slouched into their couch with potato chip crumbs on their shirt, drinking a beer, and wondering what the hell is going on that a black man and a white woman are arguing at all. Few voters have ANY idea what they're talking about, that to discuss particular senate votes and previous positions on vague, incomprehensible bills is absolutely insane. At least 95% of Americans don't watch CSPAN, and would have no idea if anybody was telling the truth about anything.
Meanwhile, Edwards became the empathetic front-runner as he was all but ignored for a good 15 minutes while Hillary and Barack threw dung at each other. At certain points, it seemed that Edwards took the reins from a listless Wolf Blitzer, who attempted to mediate the "debate" (which turned into more and more of a lunchroom food-fight as the minutes ticked away). Edwards decried both Hil and Bar for their mud-slinging, while using the few seconds between their tirades to once again promote his "my-life's-work-is-ending-poverty" platform.
The issue of race was brought up for the first time also, to Obama, when he was asked (basically) if blacks should feel obligated to "vote black" in the upcoming election. Obama skilfully dodged the question, saying only "black people should do what's best for them, their families, and their country". A pearl-diver couldn't get more subversive. Way to go, Barack!
We did get to see a new, annoying side of Mr. Obama, who at one point, when discussing the enforcement of a certain policy, claimed to Edwards, "First of all, it will be ME enforcing this policy in a year, as president..." Well yes, sir! I'm not sure how this cockiness will play with the chimney-and-brickhouse families in the Northeast, but the South Carolinians ate it up. Do we need a cocky president? Isn't it about time we had a president with humility? Congratulations, Sen. Obama, you've just officially lost my vote.
And now for my final thought: I recognize that the goal of these elections is to WIN, not make friends, but when the debates turn into episodes of Jerry Springer, complete with crowds woo-wooing and fist-pumping, maybe politics have taken a turn for the worse. Politicians argue and pander, and that's the way it is, but nobody likes to see these enlightened, brilliant people dredge up voting histories and issue positions in order to injure the credibility of one another. Nobody wins in that kind of election.
Thank you, once again. Take care of yourselves, and each other.
Hello ratings!
But while the network was cashing in on the subversive racial context of the upcoming election, the candidates did an excellent job of showcasing their most non-Martin-Luther-King-y behavior by trying, as hard as they could, to prove that the other guy was a bigger liar than they were. There were rants, raves, shouting matches - at one point I half-expected Hillary to pick up her podium and start swinging, as Barack used poor John Edwards as a human shield against the dragon's fury.
What better way to honor the great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. than to quibble back and forth for over an hour about the congressional voting history of each candidate? Meanwhile, the average voter is at home slouched into their couch with potato chip crumbs on their shirt, drinking a beer, and wondering what the hell is going on that a black man and a white woman are arguing at all. Few voters have ANY idea what they're talking about, that to discuss particular senate votes and previous positions on vague, incomprehensible bills is absolutely insane. At least 95% of Americans don't watch CSPAN, and would have no idea if anybody was telling the truth about anything.
Meanwhile, Edwards became the empathetic front-runner as he was all but ignored for a good 15 minutes while Hillary and Barack threw dung at each other. At certain points, it seemed that Edwards took the reins from a listless Wolf Blitzer, who attempted to mediate the "debate" (which turned into more and more of a lunchroom food-fight as the minutes ticked away). Edwards decried both Hil and Bar for their mud-slinging, while using the few seconds between their tirades to once again promote his "my-life's-work-is-ending-poverty" platform.
The issue of race was brought up for the first time also, to Obama, when he was asked (basically) if blacks should feel obligated to "vote black" in the upcoming election. Obama skilfully dodged the question, saying only "black people should do what's best for them, their families, and their country". A pearl-diver couldn't get more subversive. Way to go, Barack!
We did get to see a new, annoying side of Mr. Obama, who at one point, when discussing the enforcement of a certain policy, claimed to Edwards, "First of all, it will be ME enforcing this policy in a year, as president..." Well yes, sir! I'm not sure how this cockiness will play with the chimney-and-brickhouse families in the Northeast, but the South Carolinians ate it up. Do we need a cocky president? Isn't it about time we had a president with humility? Congratulations, Sen. Obama, you've just officially lost my vote.
And now for my final thought: I recognize that the goal of these elections is to WIN, not make friends, but when the debates turn into episodes of Jerry Springer, complete with crowds woo-wooing and fist-pumping, maybe politics have taken a turn for the worse. Politicians argue and pander, and that's the way it is, but nobody likes to see these enlightened, brilliant people dredge up voting histories and issue positions in order to injure the credibility of one another. Nobody wins in that kind of election.
Thank you, once again. Take care of yourselves, and each other.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Live from Vegas, It's Democracy Tonight!
Like most blue-blooded, cattle-chewing Americans, I came home from a long day in the hopeless world to find that there were life-altering events underway in the august state of Michigan.
So be it.
I went to the fridge and grabbed beer, cigarettes, went to the couch and made my fort. There were some pretzels on the table, so I started in, only to learn that after the election coverage there was to be an NBC News Special Presentation of the Las Vegas Democratic Debate! Well kiss my grits! More politics than you could shake a stick at! Upon hearing the announcement, I spewed a wide-arching crest of pretzel crumbs all over the living room floor, and began dancing and whooping on the couch like an autistic monkey on pharmaceutical-grade speed.
As the election day draws ever closer, I suspect that these "debates" will garner a larger and larger share of the ratings and will attract a wider audience than ever before. I don't think it's any coincidence that they were scheduled during a slow television night. The only real competition was the slowly crumbling empire that was once known as American Idol ("read "Idle). And with the writer's strike in full effect, you can bet your bottom dollar that the television gods have already undertaken a complete manifesto on the importance of election coverage.
It's a wonderful thing that people are more interested in politics. They should be. But of course, it does present the obvious catch-22 of illusion versus reality.
Seventy years ago, elections were covered via newsprint and radio, and the constituency was forced to vote based on the issues, not on the image. Now, we have a large portion of the populace who has been mobilized to action and who understands the necessity of making a choice, but has no basis on which to make their decision.
So, these debates have not only become the platform for the candidates to spread their message, but the platform for the physical advertisement of the image of "president". Each candidate understands COMPLETELY that their appearance will affect the outcome of the election just as much as their beliefs. As such, I have a few theories based on the evidence, far-fetched and otherwise:
1) During the debates, Barack Obama was seated on the far left, wearing a dark suit with a blue tie. A blue backdrop was behind him. Certainly, he is seated in the position that represents the MOST democratic of the three candidates.
He was certainly the calmest of the three candidates, and at times seemed the most decisive and least willing to engage in verbal combat. We can safely say that his position and costuming was commensurate with his politics.
2) Hillary was seated in the center - the female separating the two males. She was wearing a dark suit with a RED shirt. A blue backdrop was also behind her.
Why choose a red shirt? The two colors on everybody's minds are BLUE and RED. So why the confusion? Her shirt was just-visible-enough through the V of her blazer, and so there was a red separation between her head and body.
She was combative at times, but never offensive. She was quick to interject on multiple occasions, but stated her positions clearly. Perhaps we could say that she was slightly more Republican than Barack in a way?
No, we can't say that. It's ridiculous.
What we can say is that she obviously has some red on her body, for reasons unknown at this time.
3) Oh lord, John Edwards. Seated all the way to the right, wearing a dark suit, I can't remember the color of his tie. Keep in mind I'm doing this all from memory, as the pictures haven't come out yet.
But I can't remember the color of his tie. Perhaps because he was the only candidate with a BRIGHT RED backdrop behind him. And though I found him to be the "most Democratic" candidate tonight, he certainly acted like a Republican at times (and I mean this in a good way, if that's possible).
So, what am I saying here? Is one candidate trying to be more "Democrat" than any other? No. What I AM saying is that these candidates and their advisers (and tailors and agents) are very aware that there are former Republicans who are looking for a non-Republican to vote for. If wearing a red shirt or sitting in front of a red backdrop (which may or may not have been the work of Edwards' staff) will get you a few hundred more converts, then god dammit, do it! Let's get those reds!
You will notice I have made no mention of the real issues. To be honest, I only remember a very few of them - the economy, nuclear power, the war in Iraq. There was some conversation about race and gender, but I was busy thinking about RED and BLUE.
Think about it logically: how much of anything on television do you actually remember? Do you recall even half of last night's evening news?
Unless you are sitting in front of the television, watching the debates with pad and paper, you will mostly likely come away with only a vague understanding of where everyone stands, and will be left with a sour, empty taste in the back of your throat at that. No, all most people are really looking for is to see if their possible future president can handle themselves under fire. I think it's safe to say that everyone handled themselves well.
If I had to pick a winner, I would say that John Edwards came off as the most capable of the three. He handled himself well, got angry when he was supposed to and showed emotion when he was supposed to. He even interjected with some stories of his "rough" upbringing. You could almost see the mist of empathy floating up to the stage from his would-be yokel voters.
Also, I find myself recalling his smile vividly, and I'm getting a nudge from my subconscious that says "A smiling president is a good president".
And you thought they outlawed subliminal advertising.
So be it.
I went to the fridge and grabbed beer, cigarettes, went to the couch and made my fort. There were some pretzels on the table, so I started in, only to learn that after the election coverage there was to be an NBC News Special Presentation of the Las Vegas Democratic Debate! Well kiss my grits! More politics than you could shake a stick at! Upon hearing the announcement, I spewed a wide-arching crest of pretzel crumbs all over the living room floor, and began dancing and whooping on the couch like an autistic monkey on pharmaceutical-grade speed.
As the election day draws ever closer, I suspect that these "debates" will garner a larger and larger share of the ratings and will attract a wider audience than ever before. I don't think it's any coincidence that they were scheduled during a slow television night. The only real competition was the slowly crumbling empire that was once known as American Idol ("read "Idle). And with the writer's strike in full effect, you can bet your bottom dollar that the television gods have already undertaken a complete manifesto on the importance of election coverage.
It's a wonderful thing that people are more interested in politics. They should be. But of course, it does present the obvious catch-22 of illusion versus reality.
Seventy years ago, elections were covered via newsprint and radio, and the constituency was forced to vote based on the issues, not on the image. Now, we have a large portion of the populace who has been mobilized to action and who understands the necessity of making a choice, but has no basis on which to make their decision.
So, these debates have not only become the platform for the candidates to spread their message, but the platform for the physical advertisement of the image of "president". Each candidate understands COMPLETELY that their appearance will affect the outcome of the election just as much as their beliefs. As such, I have a few theories based on the evidence, far-fetched and otherwise:
1) During the debates, Barack Obama was seated on the far left, wearing a dark suit with a blue tie. A blue backdrop was behind him. Certainly, he is seated in the position that represents the MOST democratic of the three candidates.
He was certainly the calmest of the three candidates, and at times seemed the most decisive and least willing to engage in verbal combat. We can safely say that his position and costuming was commensurate with his politics.
2) Hillary was seated in the center - the female separating the two males. She was wearing a dark suit with a RED shirt. A blue backdrop was also behind her.
Why choose a red shirt? The two colors on everybody's minds are BLUE and RED. So why the confusion? Her shirt was just-visible-enough through the V of her blazer, and so there was a red separation between her head and body.
She was combative at times, but never offensive. She was quick to interject on multiple occasions, but stated her positions clearly. Perhaps we could say that she was slightly more Republican than Barack in a way?
No, we can't say that. It's ridiculous.
What we can say is that she obviously has some red on her body, for reasons unknown at this time.
3) Oh lord, John Edwards. Seated all the way to the right, wearing a dark suit, I can't remember the color of his tie. Keep in mind I'm doing this all from memory, as the pictures haven't come out yet.
But I can't remember the color of his tie. Perhaps because he was the only candidate with a BRIGHT RED backdrop behind him. And though I found him to be the "most Democratic" candidate tonight, he certainly acted like a Republican at times (and I mean this in a good way, if that's possible).
So, what am I saying here? Is one candidate trying to be more "Democrat" than any other? No. What I AM saying is that these candidates and their advisers (and tailors and agents) are very aware that there are former Republicans who are looking for a non-Republican to vote for. If wearing a red shirt or sitting in front of a red backdrop (which may or may not have been the work of Edwards' staff) will get you a few hundred more converts, then god dammit, do it! Let's get those reds!
You will notice I have made no mention of the real issues. To be honest, I only remember a very few of them - the economy, nuclear power, the war in Iraq. There was some conversation about race and gender, but I was busy thinking about RED and BLUE.
Think about it logically: how much of anything on television do you actually remember? Do you recall even half of last night's evening news?
Unless you are sitting in front of the television, watching the debates with pad and paper, you will mostly likely come away with only a vague understanding of where everyone stands, and will be left with a sour, empty taste in the back of your throat at that. No, all most people are really looking for is to see if their possible future president can handle themselves under fire. I think it's safe to say that everyone handled themselves well.
If I had to pick a winner, I would say that John Edwards came off as the most capable of the three. He handled himself well, got angry when he was supposed to and showed emotion when he was supposed to. He even interjected with some stories of his "rough" upbringing. You could almost see the mist of empathy floating up to the stage from his would-be yokel voters.
Also, I find myself recalling his smile vividly, and I'm getting a nudge from my subconscious that says "A smiling president is a good president".
And you thought they outlawed subliminal advertising.
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